One thing I don’t talk much about is work. Yet, I am writing through a year of prompts, and work is what came up. So, I’m going to discuss some jobs I have had, failures, successes, lessons, thoughts, directions, values, and intents. Speaking of intentions, I promise I will post about my main intention for 2024 soon. In the meantime, bear with me as I go in a direction I wouldn’t normally go.

My first official job was in high school. I delivered papers on a walking route through the hilly section of Parchment, MI where I lived. I carried a sack of papers and throughout the course of a couple hours, delivered 150 papers to the people who lived in my hometown. I liked that I could walk the streets I normally ran, by myself, and make money doing it. It was peaceful, helped with conditioning and strength, and gave me a chance to clear my mind of any and all stress. It was a practice in mindfulness before I knew anything about it. Then one day, my boss called me and began telling me each and every mistake I had made. Apparently, she was following me, which I was not shocked by as I had noticed a car that seemed particularly interested in me. She highlighted things like “delivering the paper to the side of the door rather than on the doormat” and “putting the paper all the way through the mail slot in the door rather than letting it hang partially out.” Who wants their mail slot held open by the paper? I stopped her before she could finish and told her I was done. I made a lame excuse about starting sports again. The only thing I would’ve done differently with that job was telling my boss exactly why I was quitting. It is not okay to follow a young female around in your car for two hours. If someone complains about where I put their paper, then call me. Otherwise, let it go. So. the lesson for me was telling my boss why I left. That makes it easier for the next person and would’ve given me practice at articulating and potentially holding fast to my boundaries.

My second job was nothing special. I worked in a bottle return at the grocery store about three miles from my home. In Michigan, there is a ten-cent deposit on soda and beer cans and bottles, and in my mind, slinging bags of cans and hauling boxes of bottles was much better than pushing carts outside in winter. My boss was great, and my co-workers became some great friends. I walked with one of my co-workers for graduation, and I went out for coffee with another not so long ago. I developed an incredible amount of strength, and the job tested my cognitive abilities as well. I had to memorize the distributors of each beer and organize accordingly to send empty bottles back. I also had to memorize codes and programs to clean and fix the electronic bottle counter and crushers. This job was one of my favorites and provided me with upward growth in the company, but the part of this job that made it all worth it was the solace I found in working there. I always knew where I stood and found it to be a refuge from my overactive mind. It was physically demanding and mentally stimulating enough to maintain focus on just the task at hand. That job probably single-handedly kept me from giving in to the depression I was struggling with. Some jobs aren’t necessarily about glory, but they can be a source of strength and a respite from the more difficult parts of our lives. I will forever be grateful for that job.

The bottle return was an under 18 years of age job, but when someone turns 18, they can immediately transition to a different job within the store. It was only natural for me to move up to the grocery stocking position. By this point, I had memorized where everything was and could give specific directions. I was also an ace with the price gun. The greatest benefit to this job was having the same boss and co-workers, flexible hours, and the ability to leave for college and come back on breaks. This job did teach me something important too. One of my bosses was an incredible human being while another was not. The one thought nothing of complimenting and praising even the everyday mundane tasks while the other felt as though I should do my job because it was my job. If I screwed up, then I should be reprimanded. As difficult as that was for me, it taught me to seek my own inner values and motivation. One mistake didn’t necessarily make me a bad person. One mistake was one mistake. And it was something I could learn from.

After completing college, I decided to stay for graduate school and my next job opportunity came along. I started working as a TSS (therapeutic support staff) where I supported children with emotional, learning, and/or autism-related issues in a school setting. Although I wasn’t very fond of the job, I continued with it as I needed a paycheck. However, I thoroughly enjoyed working with the kids and loved their personalities, strength, and hard work. I also liked some of the teachers in whose classrooms I worked. The best part of this job was that some people recognized my potential. The Mobile Therapist on two of my cases appreciated my work and told me that I had done more for the kids in my few months than anyone else had done in the past 8 years. Another person who recognized my abilities was the emotional support teacher. He encouraged me to pursue something that I would really enjoy and wrote a letter of interest to make me the head track coach at the high school where I was working. This job taught me that even simple jobs can help us realize our potential and what we’re passionate about. I’m glad I didn’t give up on it.

I was forced to take some time off from graduate school, so I moved back to Michigan for a year while I worked on myself a little. In that time, I worked as a substitute teacher. Guess what I learned that I wasn’t cut out for?! Substitute teaching. I found myself too fascinated by the ability of my students to do things like backflip off of a stool. But how does a teacher expect me to keep their class occupied when they don’t assign anything. Anyway, I never got in trouble and was called all the time, but I recognized adjunct with college students was much more my speed. We all have strengths and weaknesses. I learned we should be willing to accept what we aren’t cut out for and walk away from it.

Upon returning to graduate school, I took a job at a different agency working as a TSS again. I was biding my time until I could graduate and take a masters level position. As soon as I graduated, I was placed in the Mobile Therapy/Behavior Specialist role. This was a job I was good at, at least in my mind. I worked with older adolescents with autism on the Mobile Therapy side and younger kids with autism on the Behavior Specialist side. What I didn’t like was working with many of the parents and teachers. I can appreciate an adult who says they know their child or student better than some outsider, but it was also my specialty. As the longest working Behavior Specialist at my agency and most experienced at the time, I was placed into a role in which I was working in a specialized school with some of the most challenging children in the area. At some point, I recognized that I was burning out and not enjoying my job, but I stuck with it. I was having regular migraines and felt sick all the time while trying to ignore symptoms and signs of extreme anxiety. Eventually, I became so sick I could no longer work. I was diagnosed with mono and then Lupus and lost my job altogether after 3 months of not recovering. If I could do it all over, I would listen to the wisdom of my mind, body, and spirit when it screams for change and rest. I wasn’t doing what I had wanted to do with my life, and it hurt me.

My current job is the one I find most interesting. After several years of mental health battles, the diagnosis of Lupus, and several other hurdles, I was beginning to find my footing and wanted to volunteer. Really, I just wanted to have a purpose in my life. I went to my neighbor and friend next door, who was a grant writer for the Borough I live in, and asked if she knew of any opportunities in the Borough. Later that week, she spoke with the Borough Manager who said she would think about it and possibly make a list of things that needed to be done. The following week, the Borough had their monthly council meeting and voted on an ordinance that would turn out to be difficult to enforce and quite time-consuming. The Borough Manager asked who was going to take that job on, and the Council voted in an executive session to hire someone. About a week later, I ran into the Borough Manager in the grocery store, and she asked me if I would consider working for the Borough rather than volunteering. So, here I am about 5 years later, working for my town as an assistant and rental ordinance enforcement officer. I think the most important part of my current job is fulfillment through challenge, accomplishment, and appreciation. I mean that in the respect that I need co-workers who value their jobs as well as mine as well as a boss who understands that I know my job well and am competent, solvable but effortful challenges, and the ability to complete a task, even if it takes a long time. For example, one of my favorite tasks was to crunch numbers, compare those numbers to rainfall and groundwater levels, and then analyze the data to determine what was likely contributing to issues with sewer levels being off. Turns out, we were having groundwater issues and discovered holes in the bottom of our holding/processing sludge tank. Nothing was leaking out because they were hard solids, but we were getting water seeping in. Anyway, all that to say, things don’t usually go as planned, but the most unlikely opportunities can teach us what is important to us.

Eventually, I will move on to another job. I am still discovering who I am after years of stifling myself because of shame, but as I become comfortable, I will find my passion and niche. Each day is an opportunity, and each day I get a little closer to knowing exactly who I am and what I want for my future.