Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash I thrive on competition, and I get really discouraged by comparing myself with others. It can be psychologically excruciating. Striving for perfection throughout my entire life stems from the feeling that I have never been enough; I have never met my own expectations or my perceived experience of what … Continue reading Bookcases Can Really Be Problematic

I started my first ever intention in 2019. I wanted something more for myself after spending the past several years in hospitals. I did not want to set a resolution to be happy, lose weight, drink more water, or any of the other ridiculous things people come up with. I wanted to be kind and … Continue reading Hot Coffee

My Relationships with People and Myself It is no secret that I have been fighting with myself recently. My fight (or lack of fight?) seems to be a roadblock to CPT, and I have been chewing on this for a few weeks. This Tuesday, we stepped away from the script. We discussed which direction we … Continue reading Choking

I have lived in Factoryville for almost seven years now. I have run one of the same routes probably a hundred times over those years. I have a few favorite runs, but this one, the one past Keystone College is quiet and has options for extending or shortening the run depending on how I am … Continue reading Cognitive Processing Therapy 6.1

Photo by Edgar Moran on Unsplash Please Don't Judge Me For This My son watches Netflix in the mornings before school as he is getting ready. His latest selection is the epitome of a Hallmark Christmas movie. I am convinced it is only on Netflix because it does not have the typical 5 actors/actresses on … Continue reading Cognitive Processing Therapy 6.0

Photo by Anthony Ievlev on Unsplash  "Shame is basically the fear of being unlovable - it's the total opposite of owning our story and feeling worthy. In fact, the definition of shame that I developed from my research is: "Shame is the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore … Continue reading Cognitive Processing Therapy 5.0

Photo by Max Titov on Unsplash The Skill I started playing soccer my freshman year of high school. It had been a passion of mine for years, but the opportunity never arose for me to play until then. I showed up to tryouts about one week after having ankle surgery and demonstrated an incredible lack … Continue reading Cognitive Processing Therapy 4.2 (and 4.3)

I discharged from my last hospitalization in Washington, D.C. on May 5, 2018. Since that time I have been seeing my current therapist multiple times per week. For several months I would be in her office three times per week, maybe even four times a time or two. Currently, I sit on the couch in … Continue reading The "In-Between" 4.1

In graduate school I had a very intelligent professor who taught Statistics. He was so intelligent that much of the time he did not speak in a language that his students could understand. I tutored many of the other students in my class, but there was one student who did not come in for help. … Continue reading Cognitive Processing Therapy 4.0

I was feeling positive the morning of my third trauma-focused therapy session. I went to the gym that morning, bought myself a coffee, and sat down to read a book. I was calm. I was not thinking about what was to come. My therapist bought a weighted blanket around the time I first started seeing … Continue reading Cognitive Processing Therapy 3.0