Sometimes it is difficult to stay caught up on what is going on when life gets super busy. I see Dr. C. twice each week, but I don't write twice per week. Instead, I work for my local government, coach soccer, run the soccer league as Vice-President while our President is out of the country … Continue reading So Much Loss
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It Just Felt Different
"From an early age, the thing that made me feel most alive was being outside." The first of nine pages of my trauma narrative starts with that sentence. It's a bit different than how the original (first version) of my trauma narrative read. You see, slightly interspersed with the traumatic incidents are recognitions about myself. … Continue reading It Just Felt Different
Three Days
Trauma recovery and healing are not for the faint of heart. If trauma itself infiltrates every part of your day, your being, and your relationships, guess what? So does healing. And that is tough. It isn't meant to be a form of torture, but it can feel that way. Furthermore, retraumatization is possible, but it … Continue reading Three Days
Burning the Boat of Secrecy
Sitting with thoughts and feelings is often harder than I'd like it to be, and I don't think I am unique in my experience. But spending years ignoring those thoughts and feelings hasn't served me well. In fact, it has left me lying in bed countless nights, willing myself to fall asleep but feeling a … Continue reading Burning the Boat of Secrecy
The ReWrite (Part 2)
Back in the end of May, I wrote about what it was like to rewrite part of my trauma narrative. I had only written what I would consider the first half as it included my experience as an 8-year-old, 10-year-old, and 13-year-old. It was only a few days later that I worked on and completed … Continue reading The ReWrite (Part 2)
Running and Trauma Therapy
I ran cross country in high school. I didn't know how long the races were when I signed up. My brother came home on leave from the Air Force and told me it was 5 kilometers (3.1 miles) and that I should run with him. So, that is what I did. My first run was … Continue reading Running and Trauma Therapy
Blue-Eyed, Mischievously Grinning Asshole
I am currently reading a book written by a therapist. Two nights ago, I couldn't put the book down. One chapter led to another and another. I didn't realize that the book was divided into five stories, each of a particular client that embodied something the therapist respected. So, I found myself staying up to … Continue reading Blue-Eyed, Mischievously Grinning Asshole
…Sit With Her (Part 2)
Photo by Noe De Angelis on Pexels.com Picture a knot. A large ball of heavy rope, rotted and fraying, swollen by moisture and mildew, but dried by the baking sun, bonded together from years of misguided attempts to unwind it. Now, hold that picture in your mind. "You don't need a padded room. You just … Continue reading …Sit With Her (Part 2)
You Don’t Need a Padded Room…(Part 1)
"How are you feeling about the 25-year-old?""I feel sad for her, and I feel compassion." "Are you ready to continue the narrative?" "What I said on Tuesday holds true. I am terrified to face what is on the remaining pages of the narrative. I know what is next, and I don't know if I can … Continue reading You Don’t Need a Padded Room…(Part 1)
Navigating Complex Emotions
Emotions are complicated, and many of us have an equally complicated relationship with them; I know I do. I'm afraid of having emotions, being overwhelmed by emotions, not being able to control the intensity of the emotions or stop them when necessary, and being seen as emotional rather than logical. I don't think having emotions … Continue reading Navigating Complex Emotions
Burn the Boat! 