Two things about this blog post: One...it comes with a trigger warning, including self-harm talk and some information that may be triggering for people with sexual trauma. Two...I was a little all over the place writing this. Stick with it for me; it was information I was excited to share, to maybe provide a little … Continue reading Pain, Pleasure, and Massage: A Practice in Meditation and Dual Awareness
Authenticity
Here’s A Secret For You
This comes with a trigger warning. In here, I hint at self-harm/suicide, and I discuss sex, sex therapy, and sexual trauma. I have been withholding information. The reason? I'm not sure. A good portion is shame, but that isn't it. It could be that I am still trying to figure out if this is my … Continue reading Here’s A Secret For You
Death in 2026?
Photo by Markus Winkler on Pexels.com I started the New Year by reading about and focusing on death. It's not because I am dying, preparing for someone else to die, or trying to deal with a past death, though I suppose all of those things are technically also true. Everyone close to me knows I … Continue reading Death in 2026?
What Would Life Be Like?
"What would life be like if [that one person] didn't still hold all the space in your life?" Dr. C. asked me to think about that question and write about it. I originally told her I have no imagination, and I was pretty sure, as I said that, that there was no way I would … Continue reading What Would Life Be Like?
But I’m Proud of Myself
I woke up in a cold sweat. My heart wasn't pounding as it normally does when I have a nightmare. No, it was actually quite slow, and my breathing was shallow. This happens sometimes, usually when I am frozen in my dream. This wasn't directly a trauma dream that I was frozen in though. I … Continue reading But I’m Proud of Myself
It Just Felt Different
"From an early age, the thing that made me feel most alive was being outside." The first of nine pages of my trauma narrative starts with that sentence. It's a bit different than how the original (first version) of my trauma narrative read. You see, slightly interspersed with the traumatic incidents are recognitions about myself. … Continue reading It Just Felt Different
Three Days
Trauma recovery and healing are not for the faint of heart. If trauma itself infiltrates every part of your day, your being, and your relationships, guess what? So does healing. And that is tough. It isn't meant to be a form of torture, but it can feel that way. Furthermore, retraumatization is possible, but it … Continue reading Three Days
The Rewrite (Part 1)
Dr. C. asked if she could have my narrative. I searched through my bag, pulled out my portable keyboard case, unzipped it, and found the folded and worn blue legal pad pages. I carefully pulled them out and leaned forward, arm extended to pass them to her. This was the next step we had been … Continue reading The Rewrite (Part 1)
…Sit With Her (Part 2)
Photo by Noe De Angelis on Pexels.com Picture a knot. A large ball of heavy rope, rotted and fraying, swollen by moisture and mildew, but dried by the baking sun, bonded together from years of misguided attempts to unwind it. Now, hold that picture in your mind. "You don't need a padded room. You just … Continue reading …Sit With Her (Part 2)
Thanksgiving. A Little Late.
This is a little late, but I want to share a few thoughts about Thanksgiving. The original “thanksgiving” (little “t”) was about being thankful for simple, everyday things. Thanksgiving (capital “T”) was originally a formal feast between colonists and Native Americans to celebrate some of those everyday things. I’m providing that small piece of information … Continue reading Thanksgiving. A Little Late.
Burn the Boat! 