I woke up in a cold sweat. My heart wasn't pounding as it normally does when I have a nightmare. No, it was actually quite slow, and my breathing was shallow. This happens sometimes, usually when I am frozen in my dream. This wasn't directly a trauma dream that I was frozen in though. I … Continue reading But I’m Proud of Myself
Calm
Three Days
Trauma recovery and healing are not for the faint of heart. If trauma itself infiltrates every part of your day, your being, and your relationships, guess what? So does healing. And that is tough. It isn't meant to be a form of torture, but it can feel that way. Furthermore, retraumatization is possible, but it … Continue reading Three Days
The Rewrite (Part 1)
Dr. C. asked if she could have my narrative. I searched through my bag, pulled out my portable keyboard case, unzipped it, and found the folded and worn blue legal pad pages. I carefully pulled them out and leaned forward, arm extended to pass them to her. This was the next step we had been … Continue reading The Rewrite (Part 1)
Running and Trauma Therapy
I ran cross country in high school. I didn't know how long the races were when I signed up. My brother came home on leave from the Air Force and told me it was 5 kilometers (3.1 miles) and that I should run with him. So, that is what I did. My first run was … Continue reading Running and Trauma Therapy
2022 Intention Part One: Lists of Eight
In November 2021 I excitedly told my therapist it had been nearly one year since I self-harmed. Just a few months before, I was convinced I would not make it to the 365-day mark, but with only twenty days left, I knew I could tough it out if needed. There was an element of pride … Continue reading 2022 Intention Part One: Lists of Eight
Burn the Boat! 