First and foremost, you should know that this comes with a trigger warning. You will read this and feel things you DO NOT want to feel. You will read this and think things you DO NOT want to think. If you are ready for that on a personal and/or protective level, then please read. If … Continue reading World’s End
CPTSD
Three > Thirty
Three (3) years. Thirty-six (36) months. One hundred fifty-six (156) weeks. One thousand ninety-five (1,095) days. Twenty-six thousand two hundred ninety-eight (26,289) hours. One million five hundred seventy-six thousand eight hundred (1,576,800) minutes. Ninety-four million six hundred eight thousand (94,608,000) seconds. This is how long it has been since I have self-harmed. Three years out … Continue reading Three > Thirty
One: Challenges
One of the things I value about myself is my grit. Sure, there are times when I throw in the towel for hours, days, weeks, or even months, but I always come back and tackle whatever obstacle is in front of me with greater resolve. Each challenge creates in me a sense of strength and … Continue reading One: Challenges
“Bump!”
Courage and Fear When my brother was in the military, just after 9/11, he stood on the coast of Djibouti with his commander. The commander pointed toward Yemen and discussed a larger mission. Essentially, my brother would be dropped off in the Middle East to work with locals to form their own army to fight … Continue reading “Bump!”
Mindfulness: The Dragon
Jack Kent wrote a book called There's No Such Thing as a Dragon, which illustrates the idea of noticing and allowing. One morning, a boy wakes up with a tiny dragon in his bedroom. When he tells his mother, she tells him "there is no such thing as dragons." The two proceed to go about … Continue reading Mindfulness: The Dragon
Question
"Was it rape?" "Can you clarify?" "[person's name]...the first time..." “Let’s process.” After skimming back through Amelia Zachry’s book, Enough: A Memoir of Mistakes, Mania, and Motherhood, I asked my therapist the above question early one Friday evening. The following Tuesday, I sat in my therapist's office feeling lightheaded, weak, and uncomfortable in my skin. … Continue reading Question
Mindfulness: Take Care of Yourself
Photo by Kuno Schweizer on Unsplash Too many times people know how to take care of themselves but don't, for whatever reason. Think about it for a minute. Or, here are some fill-in-the-blank sentences. (Note: these are three examples that I recently experienced). I am so tired, I need to lie down for a minute, … Continue reading Mindfulness: Take Care of Yourself
Enough
I think it was October of 2022 when I ordered a book called Enough: A Memoir of Mistakes, Mania, and Motherhood by Amelia Zachry. I started reading the book almost immediately after receiving it and sent Amelia a message about her story's impact and that I was gleaning so much from it. The more I read, the … Continue reading Enough
Mindfulness: Judgment
The definition of mindfulness, according to Jon Kabat-Zinn, is "paying attention, on purpose, in the present moment, non-judgmentally." The opposite of judgment is compassion. In my opinion, there are many roads that lead to compassion, but the one I am finding that has not failed me is the road of curiosity. Curiosity is a willingness … Continue reading Mindfulness: Judgment
Do The Dang Thing
There is a part of me that makes accusations, nasty ones. “You’re not good enough.” “You suck.” “You deserve everything that has happened.” “You are a f*ckup.” “If anyone knows how weak you are, you will be deserted.” “If people know you, they won’t like you.” And so much more. That part feeds shame and … Continue reading Do The Dang Thing
Burn the Boat! 