Photo by Markus Winkler on Pexels.com I started the New Year by reading about and focusing on death. It's not because I am dying, preparing for someone else to die, or trying to deal with a past death, though I suppose all of those things are technically also true. Everyone close to me knows I … Continue reading Death in 2026?
disappointment
She Isn’t Me
All of my blog posts are vulnerable, but this one feels even moreso. You see, I have been writing, but I had no intention of continuing my blog. I was really hurting, and I didn't want anyone to see that any more than was necessary (because that feels weak), and I didn't want anyone to … Continue reading She Isn’t Me
What Would Life Be Like?
"What would life be like if [that one person] didn't still hold all the space in your life?" Dr. C. asked me to think about that question and write about it. I originally told her I have no imagination, and I was pretty sure, as I said that, that there was no way I would … Continue reading What Would Life Be Like?
“Write About That”
Dr. C. ended our session by telling me to write about how I don't feel as though I deserve to feel upset about what happened because I "just need to take responsibility." So, I wrote about it for the next session. I wrote about it to better understand what I was experiencing and feeling. I … Continue reading “Write About That”
Dear Becks (Part 5)
This is probably the hardest letter to write, which makes sense why it's the last and almost didn't make the cut. It's not that I don't want to say a lot - or that I don't have A LOT ot say. It's that I don't know how to say it without sounding like I'm falling … Continue reading Dear Becks (Part 5)
Dear Becks (Part 4)
Several years ago, I wrote a brief narrative of what happened to me. From there, I had to find different statements that were "stuck points" and attempt to refute them. That was back when Dr. C. and I were attempting to use Cognitive Processing Therapy. It was kind of a crash-and-burn experience for me. Everything … Continue reading Dear Becks (Part 4)
Dear Becks (Part 2)
Dear Becks I've been convinced for a very long time that you are the weakest person I know. I thought that you should've known better. You should've stopped the progression. You should've seen the red flags. You, of all people. I thought you already knew what it was like to be sexually abused and wouldn't … Continue reading Dear Becks (Part 2)
Dear Becks
I had a rough transition the other day. Dr. C. and I have been working through the narrative, and I felt as though I was making progress. I was aware of a challenge, though. I was struggling to slow down and feel emotions that were coming up. Left to my own devices, I would've read … Continue reading Dear Becks
So Much Loss
Sometimes it is difficult to stay caught up on what is going on when life gets super busy. I see Dr. C. twice each week, but I don't write twice per week. Instead, I work for my local government, coach soccer, run the soccer league as Vice-President while our President is out of the country … Continue reading So Much Loss
The Rewrite (Part 1)
Dr. C. asked if she could have my narrative. I searched through my bag, pulled out my portable keyboard case, unzipped it, and found the folded and worn blue legal pad pages. I carefully pulled them out and leaned forward, arm extended to pass them to her. This was the next step we had been … Continue reading The Rewrite (Part 1)
Burn the Boat! 