"What would life be like if [that one person] didn't still hold all the space in your life?" Dr. C. asked me to think about that question and write about it. I originally told her I have no imagination, and I was pretty sure, as I said that, that there was no way I would … Continue reading What Would Life Be Like?
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“Write About That”
Dr. C. ended our session by telling me to write about how I don't feel as though I deserve to feel upset about what happened because I "just need to take responsibility." So, I wrote about it for the next session. I wrote about it to better understand what I was experiencing and feeling. I … Continue reading “Write About That”
Dear Becks (Part 4)
Several years ago, I wrote a brief narrative of what happened to me. From there, I had to find different statements that were "stuck points" and attempt to refute them. That was back when Dr. C. and I were attempting to use Cognitive Processing Therapy. It was kind of a crash-and-burn experience for me. Everything … Continue reading Dear Becks (Part 4)
Dear Becks (Part 3)
I've been sitting for a while now, trying to focus on writing this letter. I know you know what that is like. I remember you starting laundry, making dinner, and drinking two travel mugs of coffee every Friday night just to sit down and do your homework. There was something about how you couldn't relax … Continue reading Dear Becks (Part 3)
It Just Felt Different
"From an early age, the thing that made me feel most alive was being outside." The first of nine pages of my trauma narrative starts with that sentence. It's a bit different than how the original (first version) of my trauma narrative read. You see, slightly interspersed with the traumatic incidents are recognitions about myself. … Continue reading It Just Felt Different
Three Days
Trauma recovery and healing are not for the faint of heart. If trauma itself infiltrates every part of your day, your being, and your relationships, guess what? So does healing. And that is tough. It isn't meant to be a form of torture, but it can feel that way. Furthermore, retraumatization is possible, but it … Continue reading Three Days
The ReWrite (Part 2)
Back in the end of May, I wrote about what it was like to rewrite part of my trauma narrative. I had only written what I would consider the first half as it included my experience as an 8-year-old, 10-year-old, and 13-year-old. It was only a few days later that I worked on and completed … Continue reading The ReWrite (Part 2)
Running and Trauma Therapy
I ran cross country in high school. I didn't know how long the races were when I signed up. My brother came home on leave from the Air Force and told me it was 5 kilometers (3.1 miles) and that I should run with him. So, that is what I did. My first run was … Continue reading Running and Trauma Therapy
Blue-Eyed, Mischievously Grinning Asshole
I am currently reading a book written by a therapist. Two nights ago, I couldn't put the book down. One chapter led to another and another. I didn't realize that the book was divided into five stories, each of a particular client that embodied something the therapist respected. So, I found myself staying up to … Continue reading Blue-Eyed, Mischievously Grinning Asshole
…Sit With Her (Part 2)
Photo by Noe De Angelis on Pexels.com Picture a knot. A large ball of heavy rope, rotted and fraying, swollen by moisture and mildew, but dried by the baking sun, bonded together from years of misguided attempts to unwind it. Now, hold that picture in your mind. "You don't need a padded room. You just … Continue reading …Sit With Her (Part 2)
Burn the Boat! 