"How are you feeling about the 25-year-old?" - Dr. C. That was the lead-in question. That question determines whether or not I am in Self. If I am not, there is absolutely no way we are reading the narrative. If I am, we move forward. I was feeling mad, but it wasn't directed toward the … Continue reading The White House
healing
Naive and Ill-Equiped
What's it like to sit next to someone you can't see? Not only can you not see them, but they aren't actually there, yet their presence is felt and very real. I sat hovering under a cloud of shame, attempting to stay present, as my therapist read only a small portion of my trauma narrative. … Continue reading Naive and Ill-Equiped
Grace to be Human
When I was at Steps Recovery/Deer Hollow in Utah, part of the graduation process included having others in the house writing messages in a book you found meaningful. I chose More Beautiful Than Before by Steve Leder. Two of my favorite people in Utah desecrated the book by writing words that give me the heebie-jeebies. … Continue reading Grace to be Human
Perfect Storm at Ten Years Old
Photo by Kat Smith on Pexels.com Seven-year-old Becks has what she needed from the beginning. She has someone who will hold her hand, guide her out of the woods, protect her, and love her no matter what. With that love, safety, and compassion, she is free to heal. As was always the plan, I, the … Continue reading Perfect Storm at Ten Years Old
Help Climbing to the Platform
*Disclaimer: This is a personal exchange with a friend I met at PIW in the trauma center. I thought his courage in asking questions could help others, so I asked for and received permission to share the email conversation. Sharing your trauma narrative may or may not be something you need to do. It may … Continue reading Help Climbing to the Platform
Ugly, Sticky, and Tangled
My therapist asked me how I wanted to focus my time. I chose to revisit the narrative I wrote, and I wanted my therapist to start at the beginning again. Something about the first two pages feels unresolved. Each time she read the pages out loud, I experienced the seemingly unbearable but expected feelings of … Continue reading Ugly, Sticky, and Tangled
Navigating Complex Emotions
Emotions are complicated, and many of us have an equally complicated relationship with them; I know I do. I'm afraid of having emotions, being overwhelmed by emotions, not being able to control the intensity of the emotions or stop them when necessary, and being seen as emotional rather than logical. I don't think having emotions … Continue reading Navigating Complex Emotions
Challenge By Choice Part 2
When I returned from Utah in 2021, I wrote a blog post called Challenge By Choice. In it, I wrote about the choices we, as a group from Annie's House, were given. Each person was challenged to decide what was best for themself: stay on the ground and cheer for others, climb any number of … Continue reading Challenge By Choice Part 2
The Difficult Conversations
I've been putting off talking with someone about something important to me. I imagine the other person doesn't want to hear it, and I think it will be challenging to say. Worse, I am imagining two things happening. One, this individual will get emotional. It's hard to handle other people's emotions, especially when you struggle … Continue reading The Difficult Conversations
An Ah Ha Moment
In two specific situations I realized the outcome was different. My therapist asked me what the difference was. Here was my short journey with parts to communicate a trauma experience. Self-criticism is quick to respond with, "because I was an idiot in both situations, but I was a bigger idiot the first time." Self-criticism gave … Continue reading An Ah Ha Moment
Burn the Boat! 