"From an early age, the thing that made me feel most alive was being outside." The first of nine pages of my trauma narrative starts with that sentence. It's a bit different than how the original (first version) of my trauma narrative read. You see, slightly interspersed with the traumatic incidents are recognitions about myself. … Continue reading It Just Felt Different
life
Three Days
Trauma recovery and healing are not for the faint of heart. If trauma itself infiltrates every part of your day, your being, and your relationships, guess what? So does healing. And that is tough. It isn't meant to be a form of torture, but it can feel that way. Furthermore, retraumatization is possible, but it … Continue reading Three Days
The ReWrite (Part 2)
Back in the end of May, I wrote about what it was like to rewrite part of my trauma narrative. I had only written what I would consider the first half as it included my experience as an 8-year-old, 10-year-old, and 13-year-old. It was only a few days later that I worked on and completed … Continue reading The ReWrite (Part 2)
The Rewrite (Part 1)
Dr. C. asked if she could have my narrative. I searched through my bag, pulled out my portable keyboard case, unzipped it, and found the folded and worn blue legal pad pages. I carefully pulled them out and leaned forward, arm extended to pass them to her. This was the next step we had been … Continue reading The Rewrite (Part 1)
Blue-Eyed, Mischievously Grinning Asshole
I am currently reading a book written by a therapist. Two nights ago, I couldn't put the book down. One chapter led to another and another. I didn't realize that the book was divided into five stories, each of a particular client that embodied something the therapist respected. So, I found myself staying up to … Continue reading Blue-Eyed, Mischievously Grinning Asshole
…Sit With Her (Part 2)
Photo by Noe De Angelis on Pexels.com Picture a knot. A large ball of heavy rope, rotted and fraying, swollen by moisture and mildew, but dried by the baking sun, bonded together from years of misguided attempts to unwind it. Now, hold that picture in your mind. "You don't need a padded room. You just … Continue reading …Sit With Her (Part 2)
You Don’t Need a Padded Room…(Part 1)
"How are you feeling about the 25-year-old?""I feel sad for her, and I feel compassion." "Are you ready to continue the narrative?" "What I said on Tuesday holds true. I am terrified to face what is on the remaining pages of the narrative. I know what is next, and I don't know if I can … Continue reading You Don’t Need a Padded Room…(Part 1)
The White House
"How are you feeling about the 25-year-old?" - Dr. C. That was the lead-in question. That question determines whether or not I am in Self. If I am not, there is absolutely no way we are reading the narrative. If I am, we move forward. I was feeling mad, but it wasn't directed toward the … Continue reading The White House
Grace to be Human
When I was at Steps Recovery/Deer Hollow in Utah, part of the graduation process included having others in the house writing messages in a book you found meaningful. I chose More Beautiful Than Before by Steve Leder. Two of my favorite people in Utah desecrated the book by writing words that give me the heebie-jeebies. … Continue reading Grace to be Human
Challenge By Choice Part 2
When I returned from Utah in 2021, I wrote a blog post called Challenge By Choice. In it, I wrote about the choices we, as a group from Annie's House, were given. Each person was challenged to decide what was best for themself: stay on the ground and cheer for others, climb any number of … Continue reading Challenge By Choice Part 2
Burn the Boat! 