This is my apology to you all. I started writing for myself several years ago, but I also wanted to maybe bring hope to someone else. If you want to stay in that hopeful place, stop reading this now. Close the window, and keep doing your work. If you choose not to close the window … Continue reading I’m Sorry
self-harm
Cookies
I grew up in an evangelical Christian home. Although Catholics tend to be the primary ones who adhere to the idea of giving something up for Lent, my family also chose to follow this tradition. Every year, for the 40 days leading up to Easter, each member of my family would give something up. Honestly, … Continue reading Cookies
What Would Life Be Like?
"What would life be like if [that one person] didn't still hold all the space in your life?" Dr. C. asked me to think about that question and write about it. I originally told her I have no imagination, and I was pretty sure, as I said that, that there was no way I would … Continue reading What Would Life Be Like?
Dear Becks (Part 2)
Dear Becks I've been convinced for a very long time that you are the weakest person I know. I thought that you should've known better. You should've stopped the progression. You should've seen the red flags. You, of all people. I thought you already knew what it was like to be sexually abused and wouldn't … Continue reading Dear Becks (Part 2)
Dear Becks
I had a rough transition the other day. Dr. C. and I have been working through the narrative, and I felt as though I was making progress. I was aware of a challenge, though. I was struggling to slow down and feel emotions that were coming up. Left to my own devices, I would've read … Continue reading Dear Becks
The Rewrite (Part 1)
Dr. C. asked if she could have my narrative. I searched through my bag, pulled out my portable keyboard case, unzipped it, and found the folded and worn blue legal pad pages. I carefully pulled them out and leaned forward, arm extended to pass them to her. This was the next step we had been … Continue reading The Rewrite (Part 1)
…Sit With Her (Part 2)
Photo by Noe De Angelis on Pexels.com Picture a knot. A large ball of heavy rope, rotted and fraying, swollen by moisture and mildew, but dried by the baking sun, bonded together from years of misguided attempts to unwind it. Now, hold that picture in your mind. "You don't need a padded room. You just … Continue reading …Sit With Her (Part 2)
You Don’t Need a Padded Room…(Part 1)
"How are you feeling about the 25-year-old?""I feel sad for her, and I feel compassion." "Are you ready to continue the narrative?" "What I said on Tuesday holds true. I am terrified to face what is on the remaining pages of the narrative. I know what is next, and I don't know if I can … Continue reading You Don’t Need a Padded Room…(Part 1)
Navigating Complex Emotions
Emotions are complicated, and many of us have an equally complicated relationship with them; I know I do. I'm afraid of having emotions, being overwhelmed by emotions, not being able to control the intensity of the emotions or stop them when necessary, and being seen as emotional rather than logical. I don't think having emotions … Continue reading Navigating Complex Emotions
Let Me Disappoint You
I don't like to admit when I am struggling. Not anymore. I am afraid of disappointing people who have seen me do so well. And I hate when people remind me I shouldn't be in this place because I'm different from how I was several years ago. More capable. Healthier. It isn't that people shouldn't … Continue reading Let Me Disappoint You
Burn the Boat! 