"How are you feeling about the 25-year-old?""I feel sad for her, and I feel compassion." "Are you ready to continue the narrative?" "What I said on Tuesday holds true. I am terrified to face what is on the remaining pages of the narrative. I know what is next, and I don't know if I can … Continue reading You Don’t Need a Padded Room…(Part 1)
Therapy
The White House
"How are you feeling about the 25-year-old?" - Dr. C. That was the lead-in question. That question determines whether or not I am in Self. If I am not, there is absolutely no way we are reading the narrative. If I am, we move forward. I was feeling mad, but it wasn't directed toward the … Continue reading The White House
Naive and Ill-Equiped
What's it like to sit next to someone you can't see? Not only can you not see them, but they aren't actually there, yet their presence is felt and very real. I sat hovering under a cloud of shame, attempting to stay present, as my therapist read only a small portion of my trauma narrative. … Continue reading Naive and Ill-Equiped
Don’t Speak
Have you ever been moving along at a comfortable pace with no doubt about where you are headed and how to get there, only to fall into a raging river that carries you way off course? Me either. At least not literally. Figuratively, though, that's another story. What makes trauma worse? Silence. Throughout my life, … Continue reading Don’t Speak
Perfect Storm at Ten Years Old
Photo by Kat Smith on Pexels.com Seven-year-old Becks has what she needed from the beginning. She has someone who will hold her hand, guide her out of the woods, protect her, and love her no matter what. With that love, safety, and compassion, she is free to heal. As was always the plan, I, the … Continue reading Perfect Storm at Ten Years Old
Help Climbing to the Platform
*Disclaimer: This is a personal exchange with a friend I met at PIW in the trauma center. I thought his courage in asking questions could help others, so I asked for and received permission to share the email conversation. Sharing your trauma narrative may or may not be something you need to do. It may … Continue reading Help Climbing to the Platform
If Not Now, When?
If you read my blog regularly, you know I took a deep dive into trauma work. I wrote the details of what happened to face the pain head-on, and my therapist read most of it out loud--the rest silently. Since then, we have revisited the narrative. She has read the same couple of pages several … Continue reading If Not Now, When?
Ugly, Sticky, and Tangled
My therapist asked me how I wanted to focus my time. I chose to revisit the narrative I wrote, and I wanted my therapist to start at the beginning again. Something about the first two pages feels unresolved. Each time she read the pages out loud, I experienced the seemingly unbearable but expected feelings of … Continue reading Ugly, Sticky, and Tangled
Challenge By Choice Part 2
When I returned from Utah in 2021, I wrote a blog post called Challenge By Choice. In it, I wrote about the choices we, as a group from Annie's House, were given. Each person was challenged to decide what was best for themself: stay on the ground and cheer for others, climb any number of … Continue reading Challenge By Choice Part 2
The Words Not Spoken
I wouldn't say my graduate school experience was awful, but I wouldn't say my training was good either. I gained a lot of knowledge through books, but the majority of my clinical experience was more what not to do as a therapist. Two examples: One of my professors was unlicensed. Everyone was under the impression … Continue reading The Words Not Spoken
Burn the Boat! 