Dr. C. ended our session by telling me to write about how I don't feel as though I deserve to feel upset about what happened because I "just need to take responsibility." So, I wrote about it for the next session. I wrote about it to better understand what I was experiencing and feeling. I … Continue reading “Write About That”
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Dear Becks (Part 5)
This is probably the hardest letter to write, which makes sense why it's the last and almost didn't make the cut. It's not that I don't want to say a lot - or that I don't have A LOT ot say. It's that I don't know how to say it without sounding like I'm falling … Continue reading Dear Becks (Part 5)
Dear Becks (Part 4)
Several years ago, I wrote a brief narrative of what happened to me. From there, I had to find different statements that were "stuck points" and attempt to refute them. That was back when Dr. C. and I were attempting to use Cognitive Processing Therapy. It was kind of a crash-and-burn experience for me. Everything … Continue reading Dear Becks (Part 4)
Dear Becks (Part 3)
I've been sitting for a while now, trying to focus on writing this letter. I know you know what that is like. I remember you starting laundry, making dinner, and drinking two travel mugs of coffee every Friday night just to sit down and do your homework. There was something about how you couldn't relax … Continue reading Dear Becks (Part 3)
Dear Becks
I had a rough transition the other day. Dr. C. and I have been working through the narrative, and I felt as though I was making progress. I was aware of a challenge, though. I was struggling to slow down and feel emotions that were coming up. Left to my own devices, I would've read … Continue reading Dear Becks
So Much Loss
Sometimes it is difficult to stay caught up on what is going on when life gets super busy. I see Dr. C. twice each week, but I don't write twice per week. Instead, I work for my local government, coach soccer, run the soccer league as Vice-President while our President is out of the country … Continue reading So Much Loss
But I’m Proud of Myself
I woke up in a cold sweat. My heart wasn't pounding as it normally does when I have a nightmare. No, it was actually quite slow, and my breathing was shallow. This happens sometimes, usually when I am frozen in my dream. This wasn't directly a trauma dream that I was frozen in though. I … Continue reading But I’m Proud of Myself
Three Days
Trauma recovery and healing are not for the faint of heart. If trauma itself infiltrates every part of your day, your being, and your relationships, guess what? So does healing. And that is tough. It isn't meant to be a form of torture, but it can feel that way. Furthermore, retraumatization is possible, but it … Continue reading Three Days
The ReWrite (Part 2)
Back in the end of May, I wrote about what it was like to rewrite part of my trauma narrative. I had only written what I would consider the first half as it included my experience as an 8-year-old, 10-year-old, and 13-year-old. It was only a few days later that I worked on and completed … Continue reading The ReWrite (Part 2)
Running and Trauma Therapy
I ran cross country in high school. I didn't know how long the races were when I signed up. My brother came home on leave from the Air Force and told me it was 5 kilometers (3.1 miles) and that I should run with him. So, that is what I did. My first run was … Continue reading Running and Trauma Therapy
Burn the Boat! 