Avoidance. That was the theme for session two. I completed my impact statement declaring all of the reasons I felt I am to blame for what happened. I sent the statement to my therapist, by accident. I was supposed to send it when I finished it, but when I went to hit send I could … Continue reading Cognitive Processing Therapy 2.0

I have explained before that when I run a particularly difficult course outside I tend to set small goals for myself. I run from one telephone pole to the next. "This hill is too steep and too long, only 50 more meters to go. Made it." "I am sucking wind, and my legs are burning, … Continue reading Cognitive Processing Therapy 1.0

Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson once considered himself to be a failure. He played football in college, and his dream was to become a professional football player. He entered the draft, but he was never picked. He pursued his dream by joining a Canadian league but was cut. In some of his inspirational speeches he talks … Continue reading On Being "So Much More"

Almost exactly one month ago I made a plan to kill myself. I had the means necessary and had every intention of carrying that plan out. I knew the details of how effective the method usually is, how long it takes, and what the pain factor would be. I knew about how long it would … Continue reading Do I Matter?

Depression has often been talked about as though it is a dark cloud hanging over your head. The commercial I remember best was a Zoloft commercial many years ago. I perceive this cloud as preventing me from seeing the blue sky and sun, but it is not the only cloud I experience in my life … Continue reading The Depression-Cloud Metaphor

As I have mentioned before, I joined a gym in March of this year. It was a step toward making myself a better person. Sure, I wanted to lose weight, get fit, and build lean muscle, but more importantly I wanted to improve my emotional well-being and work toward becoming mentally tough like I used … Continue reading You Are an Inspiration

Back in the summer of 2014 several families in my neighborhood had a yard sale. I will never forget walking outside to help out with a 1.5 quart mixing bowl filled with Froot Loops with Marshmallows and eating the entire thing. It was pure bliss. Photo by Etienne Girardet on Unsplash   When I graduated … Continue reading Froot Loops with Marshmallows

In late December 2018 I talked with my brother about New Year's Resolutions vs. INTENTIONS. A resolution is something that can be broken, and honestly, it usually is. Think of all of the people you know who set an intention to work out, get into shape, or lose weight in January and keep it up … Continue reading I’m No Superhero, But…

Starting when I was young everything had to be done in the go hard, do NOT quit mentality. When young, the main areas of life where this showed up for me were academics and sports. I would study for hours. It wasn't always about getting the A, 100%, it was about obtaining as much knowledge … Continue reading Good Enough Isn't Good Enough

Knowing what the next step in life is can be hard. I have been thinking about what my future will look like a little too much lately. I have been extremely anxious as I think about what my career will look like and how my mental and physical health will impact that. I often think … Continue reading That Next Step