I have post traumatic stress disorder. It manifests itself differently for each person. I tend to get overwhelmed and shut down to a numb state unable to feel physically or emotionally. This is a safety response with which I have become exceptionally proficient. Unfortunately this way of living has further complicated how I respond to … Continue reading The Eye of the Storm

Sometimes I feel angry with my brother because he left this world so young. It is like he gave up too early. Cognitively I know it wasn't his decision, but I picture him in that hospital bed no longer fighting for his life. From the time I was very young my brother started teaching me … Continue reading Don't Give Up

I attend a meditation group on Saturday mornings. It is my sangha. My community. It is a group of about 9 people with a teacher who instructs us to focus on our breath, our bodies, loving kindness for others, and compassion for ourselves. On occasion she will read a passage from a mindfulness book to … Continue reading Coconuts and Bananas

A paradox is a contradiction or inconsistency that when scrutinized proves to be true. It also can provoke serious thought.   When I think of an example of a paradox I think about working out. People go to the gym to lose weight and get fit, and they find that they get fit but do … Continue reading The Paradox

In 2015 I began a journey through SEVERE depression that almost claimed my life multiple times and led to more than 30 hospitalizations for up to 9 months out of the year each year. I have been hospitalized in multiple states and cities: Kingston, PA; State College, PA; Coatesville, PA; Lemont/Chicago, IL; Baltimore, MD; Washington … Continue reading I Need

Several months ago I sat through the Awana grand prix event watching my son's pine car race against other cars. I wouldn't normally attend Awana as children are not necessarily my socialization choice, but because it was the grand prix I wanted to support my son. There was a message before the grand prix started … Continue reading Understanding Forgiveness

The second part of my discussion with Dr. John Lemoncelli, author and Psychologist, was short. I dodged and darted from the topic because I was terrified. He discusses in his book, Healing from Childhood Trauma: Understanding the Effects. Taking Control to Recover, the concept of a parasite. I talked about this briefly in my blog … Continue reading The Parasite

A few months ago I read a book entitled Healing from Childhood Abuse: Understanding the Effects. Taking Control to Recover. In this book Dr. John Lemoncelli describes the effects of abuse and the abuse itself as a parasite that slowly eats away at its host. He discusses how the parasite must be located and eradicated. … Continue reading The Analysis

In the movie, The Grinch, the one with Jim Carrey, there is a scene where he is talking to his echo. The echo obviously repeats everything after him, and he becomes annoyed and says, "I'm an idiot!" so that the echo will call itself an idiot. Instead, the echo says, "You're an idiot, you're an … Continue reading You're an Idiot

As I started work I found myself dwelling on a few things I felt I had done incorrectly. I work for my local borough so there are a lot of rules, regulations, and otherwise that make this job seem more difficult (at least until I learn some of it). I was making copies for the … Continue reading The Peril of All or Nothing Thinking