Three (3) years. Thirty-six (36) months. One hundred fifty-six (156) weeks. One thousand ninety-five (1,095) days. Twenty-six thousand two hundred ninety-eight (26,289) hours. One million five hundred seventy-six thousand eight hundred (1,576,800) minutes. Ninety-four million six hundred eight thousand (94,608,000) seconds. This is how long it has been since I have self-harmed. Three years out … Continue reading Three > Thirty
Compassion
“Bump!”
Courage and Fear When my brother was in the military, just after 9/11, he stood on the coast of Djibouti with his commander. The commander pointed toward Yemen and discussed a larger mission. Essentially, my brother would be dropped off in the Middle East to work with locals to form their own army to fight … Continue reading “Bump!”
Mostly? Incredible Summer
If you follow me on social media, you have probably been aware of my incredible summer. I was truly blessed with a warm summer in the great outdoors. Being outside is essential to both my healing and thriving, so I decided to get myself out for as many activities as possible. I started hiking again … Continue reading Mostly? Incredible Summer
Mindfulness: Allow It
Common to all humanity, at least in my opinion, is the struggle to avoid pain. This includes avoiding the pain that can heal us as well. I dropped a 45lb plate on my big toe a few years ago. That toenail eventually fell off. As it started to grow back, I dropped a tractor tire … Continue reading Mindfulness: Allow It
Mindfulness: Judgment
The definition of mindfulness, according to Jon Kabat-Zinn, is "paying attention, on purpose, in the present moment, non-judgmentally." The opposite of judgment is compassion. In my opinion, there are many roads that lead to compassion, but the one I am finding that has not failed me is the road of curiosity. Curiosity is a willingness … Continue reading Mindfulness: Judgment
Suicide
In February, I read David Foster Wallace’s commencement speech at Kenyon College, entitled This is Water. Wallace told a story at the beginning of the book about two fish that were swimming along when they passed an older fish. The older fish said, “how’s the water?” The two other fish questioned each other about what … Continue reading Suicide
I Needed The “Luckiest Girl Alive”
I understand the importance of trigger warnings for people. I really do. We owe it to survivors of traumatic situations to put a trigger warning on things, but as someone who has experienced some traumatic situations, I need the debate to be less about an attempt to sensor material and more about sensitivity to those … Continue reading I Needed The “Luckiest Girl Alive”
Power Rangers and Parts
Photo by Raphaël Cubertafon on Unsplash Let’s talk for a moment about the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers. At the expense of my son’s future dignity, I will reveal that he watched several episodes and a movie recently, and that provided me with the small amount of information I have here. The Power Rangers were not … Continue reading Power Rangers and Parts
Self-Compassion Is Difficult
Self-compassion is difficult. I remember the negative things I have said or done, and those things become who I am. Each and every poor decision, unkind word spoken—or not, embarrassing moment, or thought provides me with proof that I am a loathsome human. Except, am I? The little three-year-old Becks I saw in the mirror … Continue reading Self-Compassion Is Difficult
Life Is Messy
It happens to everyone, I am quite sure. The inability to think not just linearly but with any sort of focus. I have gone through these phases probably most noticeable to others when I am depressed or physically off - maybe, or generally, a combination of both. The perfect people out there may only notice … Continue reading Life Is Messy
Burn the Boat! 