My therapist asked me how I wanted to focus my time. I chose to revisit the narrative I wrote, and I wanted my therapist to start at the beginning again. Something about the first two pages feels unresolved. Each time she read the pages out loud, I experienced the seemingly unbearable but expected feelings of … Continue reading Ugly, Sticky, and Tangled
PTSD
Navigating Complex Emotions
Emotions are complicated, and many of us have an equally complicated relationship with them; I know I do. I'm afraid of having emotions, being overwhelmed by emotions, not being able to control the intensity of the emotions or stop them when necessary, and being seen as emotional rather than logical. I don't think having emotions … Continue reading Navigating Complex Emotions
Challenge By Choice Part 2
When I returned from Utah in 2021, I wrote a blog post called Challenge By Choice. In it, I wrote about the choices we, as a group from Annie's House, were given. Each person was challenged to decide what was best for themself: stay on the ground and cheer for others, climb any number of … Continue reading Challenge By Choice Part 2
The Words Not Spoken
I wouldn't say my graduate school experience was awful, but I wouldn't say my training was good either. I gained a lot of knowledge through books, but the majority of my clinical experience was more what not to do as a therapist. Two examples: One of my professors was unlicensed. Everyone was under the impression … Continue reading The Words Not Spoken
Out of the Woods
Sometimes, we get so caught up in something that seems important that we miss what IS important. We can't see the forest through the trees or the trees in the forest. I graduated from a private college with essentially two majors. One was counseling, and the other was theology. A good share of my core … Continue reading Out of the Woods
The Difficult Conversations
I've been putting off talking with someone about something important to me. I imagine the other person doesn't want to hear it, and I think it will be challenging to say. Worse, I am imagining two things happening. One, this individual will get emotional. It's hard to handle other people's emotions, especially when you struggle … Continue reading The Difficult Conversations
Flawed but Beautiful
I've written about this before, but each time I process something, it has a new twist, a different flavor, and a different potency. That is why it is important for me (us) not to fall asleep when it comes to growth. When I was in high school, I could not see beauty. I wrote a … Continue reading Flawed but Beautiful
Choose Your Hard
When the going gets hard, get going. Like, run. Away. Now. That's what I say in my head a lot. A few short years ago, I used running to try to escape from myself. I had become too difficult to deal with and wanted nothing more than to be rid of myself. Suicide wasn't working; … Continue reading Choose Your Hard
An Ah Ha Moment
In two specific situations I realized the outcome was different. My therapist asked me what the difference was. Here was my short journey with parts to communicate a trauma experience. Self-criticism is quick to respond with, "because I was an idiot in both situations, but I was a bigger idiot the first time." Self-criticism gave … Continue reading An Ah Ha Moment
Getting Comfortable with Discomfort
Willow. Tit Willow. Tit Willow. It's a bit of an inside joke that every time I think of dipping my toe into a difficult situation or feeling a difficult emotion, this Muppets song comes to mind. The willow tit is a European bird that looks like an American chickadee. The bird that originally illustrated the … Continue reading Getting Comfortable with Discomfort
Burn the Boat! 