If you read my blog regularly, you know I took a deep dive into trauma work. I wrote the details of what happened to face the pain head-on, and my therapist read most of it out loud--the rest silently. Since then, we have revisited the narrative. She has read the same couple of pages several … Continue reading If Not Now, When?
Therapy
Ugly, Sticky, and Tangled
My therapist asked me how I wanted to focus my time. I chose to revisit the narrative I wrote, and I wanted my therapist to start at the beginning again. Something about the first two pages feels unresolved. Each time she read the pages out loud, I experienced the seemingly unbearable but expected feelings of … Continue reading Ugly, Sticky, and Tangled
Challenge By Choice Part 2
When I returned from Utah in 2021, I wrote a blog post called Challenge By Choice. In it, I wrote about the choices we, as a group from Annie's House, were given. Each person was challenged to decide what was best for themself: stay on the ground and cheer for others, climb any number of … Continue reading Challenge By Choice Part 2
The Words Not Spoken
I wouldn't say my graduate school experience was awful, but I wouldn't say my training was good either. I gained a lot of knowledge through books, but the majority of my clinical experience was more what not to do as a therapist. Two examples: One of my professors was unlicensed. Everyone was under the impression … Continue reading The Words Not Spoken
The Difficult Conversations
I've been putting off talking with someone about something important to me. I imagine the other person doesn't want to hear it, and I think it will be challenging to say. Worse, I am imagining two things happening. One, this individual will get emotional. It's hard to handle other people's emotions, especially when you struggle … Continue reading The Difficult Conversations
Flawed but Beautiful
I've written about this before, but each time I process something, it has a new twist, a different flavor, and a different potency. That is why it is important for me (us) not to fall asleep when it comes to growth. When I was in high school, I could not see beauty. I wrote a … Continue reading Flawed but Beautiful
An Ah Ha Moment
In two specific situations I realized the outcome was different. My therapist asked me what the difference was. Here was my short journey with parts to communicate a trauma experience. Self-criticism is quick to respond with, "because I was an idiot in both situations, but I was a bigger idiot the first time." Self-criticism gave … Continue reading An Ah Ha Moment
It’s Only April
Photo by Zachary DeBottis on Pexels.com I had entered the twilight stage. I wasn't asleep, but I wasn't awake; I was in a dreamlike state, and my mind was creating a story that I now know wasn't true but felt very real at the time. Actually, I don't know that I remember what this "dream" … Continue reading It’s Only April
Let Me Disappoint You
I don't like to admit when I am struggling. Not anymore. I am afraid of disappointing people who have seen me do so well. And I hate when people remind me I shouldn't be in this place because I'm different from how I was several years ago. More capable. Healthier. It isn't that people shouldn't … Continue reading Let Me Disappoint You
Be and Become
I have been spending time thinking, asking questions, listening to friends, listening to podcasts, and reading to get to the point of declaring my intention for this year. Prior to 2019, I had never considered making an intention, but I also hadn't planned on living to see 2019. I had spent the better part of … Continue reading Be and Become
Burn the Boat! 