I mentioned in a previous post that I set an intention for 2019 to treat myself with kindness and grace as I grow to understand more about myself and the decisions I have made and continue to make. This will not be an easy challenge, but it is only the beginning of a journey I am on. It is part of the process I am beginning to trust. It is part of seeing myself the way God sees me.
I mentioned today in speaking with someone that when I can finally face who I am and the decisions I have made I fear for my safety because what if I don’t like any of it. I heard a story about a man who was sexually assaulted when he was young by a man and since that time has questioned his sexuality. He is a man in prison, and if it comes out that he favors men it is possible that his life will be in jeopardy. This is me. What if I cannot accept the me I have become and my life is suddenly threatened. At what point is it wise to explore that self and acknowledge in wholeness that I am who I am. I am who God created. I am made in His image and by His grace. This is where kindness is absolutely necessary. What does that kindness and grace look like in that moment? I have no idea, but I know what comes after that…
…As I grow toward kindness and grace toward myself I imagine it will be much easier to accept who I am as a broken, flawed human. Acceptance is next, after kindness. It is what I want to begin to experience in the succession of self. God imparted grace and accepts me for me. He sees me through the lens of Christ’s blood.
Making progress on myself looks like grace and kindness, acceptance, and finally worthiness. Worth and love. Love.
LOVE. But first kindness and grace.