My Relationships with People and Myself It is no secret that I have been fighting with myself recently. My fight (or lack of fight?) seems to be a roadblock to CPT, and I have been chewing on this for a few weeks. This Tuesday, we stepped away from the script. We discussed which direction we … Continue reading Choking

I have lived in Factoryville for almost seven years now. I have run one of the same routes probably a hundred times over those years. I have a few favorite runs, but this one, the one past Keystone College is quiet and has options for extending or shortening the run depending on how I am … Continue reading Cognitive Processing Therapy 6.1

Photo by Edgar Moran on Unsplash Please Don't Judge Me For This My son watches Netflix in the mornings before school as he is getting ready. His latest selection is the epitome of a Hallmark Christmas movie. I am convinced it is only on Netflix because it does not have the typical 5 actors/actresses on … Continue reading Cognitive Processing Therapy 6.0

Photo by Anthony Ievlev on Unsplash  "Shame is basically the fear of being unlovable - it's the total opposite of owning our story and feeling worthy. In fact, the definition of shame that I developed from my research is: "Shame is the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore … Continue reading Cognitive Processing Therapy 5.0

Photo by Max Titov on Unsplash The Skill I started playing soccer my freshman year of high school. It had been a passion of mine for years, but the opportunity never arose for me to play until then. I showed up to tryouts about one week after having ankle surgery and demonstrated an incredible lack … Continue reading Cognitive Processing Therapy 4.2 (and 4.3)

I discharged from my last hospitalization in Washington, D.C. on May 5, 2018. Since that time I have been seeing my current therapist multiple times per week. For several months I would be in her office three times per week, maybe even four times a time or two. Currently, I sit on the couch in … Continue reading The "In-Between" 4.1

In graduate school I had a very intelligent professor who taught Statistics. He was so intelligent that much of the time he did not speak in a language that his students could understand. I tutored many of the other students in my class, but there was one student who did not come in for help. … Continue reading Cognitive Processing Therapy 4.0

I was feeling positive the morning of my third trauma-focused therapy session. I went to the gym that morning, bought myself a coffee, and sat down to read a book. I was calm. I was not thinking about what was to come. My therapist bought a weighted blanket around the time I first started seeing … Continue reading Cognitive Processing Therapy 3.0

Avoidance. That was the theme for session two. I completed my impact statement declaring all of the reasons I felt I am to blame for what happened. I sent the statement to my therapist, by accident. I was supposed to send it when I finished it, but when I went to hit send I could … Continue reading Cognitive Processing Therapy 2.0

I have explained before that when I run a particularly difficult course outside I tend to set small goals for myself. I run from one telephone pole to the next. "This hill is too steep and too long, only 50 more meters to go. Made it." "I am sucking wind, and my legs are burning, … Continue reading Cognitive Processing Therapy 1.0